Once upon a time, there was a strong, handsome prince. One morning the prince was out on a horseback ride through the countryside when he discovered a lonely, distressed, beautiful princess imprisoned by a fire-breathing dragon. Unsheathing his sword, he slew the dragon that had been holding the princess captive. The prince and princess stared deeply into each other’s eyes, and knew it was love at first sight. The princess who had once been miserably unhappy was now filled with love and gratitude toward her rescuer. The prince realizing this was the woman meant to complete him, proposed at once. They married (without a prenuptial agreement) and lived happily ever after as they rode off into the sunset.
Now, I know that you are thinking this is only a fairy tale relationship. Like all good fairy tales, the ending can be wrapped up in one sentence and everyone is happy (no Prozac needed). The problem is that too many men and women are looking for a fairy tale romance in their own intimate relationships. Several basic myths need to be laid to rest.
Myth #1: Your partner (the dragon slayer) will rescue you from a life of unhappiness.
The truth is once the rescue has been completed and the dust has settled--you are responsible for your own happiness. No one should be burdened with providing or creating happiness for another person. That is a gift that you give yourself. If you were unhappy before you met the person of your dreams, then it is likely that you’ll remain unhappy with yourself even if you share happiness with another person. Eventually, the novelty of the relationship wears off, reality is no longer suspended, and the fact that he leaves his dirty socks around the house is not cute but infuriating. Do not rely on someone else for happiness; create those positive feelings for yourself.
Myth #2: The concept that your life will somehow be complete with the right person.
There is no such thing as romantic completion because your heart was never disassembled in the first place. We are not empty souls roaming the earth in search of the one person who magically holds the missing piece that will make our life complete and meaningful. Thinking that there is only one “right” person in the world for each of us is romantic folly. Consider rationally how many people populate the world and out of that number how many different people would you be emotionally compatible with, happy to spend time with? Obviously, there is more than one option. The trick is finding the right person, deciding who you want to make a commitment to and spend time with.
Myth #3: A romantic relationship will eliminate all feelings of loneliness. Ideally, being in a healthy, loving relationship would eliminate most feelings of loneliness. However, even in the company of others people may feel lonely. How many times have you found yourself at a gathering of family or friends, surrounded by people—only to feel lonely, even though you are far from alone? I realize that my example describes the company of family and friends not your romantic partner, but even in our intimate relationships it is possible to feel lonely. There are times in our intimate relationships or any relationship when we identify with feelings of loneliness. In conclusion, enjoy and celebrate time with the prince or princess in your own life. Don’t rely on Hollywood stereotypes for your would be sweetheart. Instead, enjoy a quiet evening cuddling on the sofa with your spousal equivalent or if you haven’t identified that person, take a risk and introduce yourself to someone new keeping in mind that your “dragon slayer” will not rescue you from your own unhappiness, complete you as a person or eliminate all feelings of loneliness. Have fun and look beyond the expectations and myths that keep us polarized in our relationships with other people.
Now, I know that you are thinking this is only a fairy tale relationship. Like all good fairy tales, the ending can be wrapped up in one sentence and everyone is happy (no Prozac needed). The problem is that too many men and women are looking for a fairy tale romance in their own intimate relationships. Several basic myths need to be laid to rest.
Myth #1: Your partner (the dragon slayer) will rescue you from a life of unhappiness.
The truth is once the rescue has been completed and the dust has settled--you are responsible for your own happiness. No one should be burdened with providing or creating happiness for another person. That is a gift that you give yourself. If you were unhappy before you met the person of your dreams, then it is likely that you’ll remain unhappy with yourself even if you share happiness with another person. Eventually, the novelty of the relationship wears off, reality is no longer suspended, and the fact that he leaves his dirty socks around the house is not cute but infuriating. Do not rely on someone else for happiness; create those positive feelings for yourself.
Myth #2: The concept that your life will somehow be complete with the right person.
There is no such thing as romantic completion because your heart was never disassembled in the first place. We are not empty souls roaming the earth in search of the one person who magically holds the missing piece that will make our life complete and meaningful. Thinking that there is only one “right” person in the world for each of us is romantic folly. Consider rationally how many people populate the world and out of that number how many different people would you be emotionally compatible with, happy to spend time with? Obviously, there is more than one option. The trick is finding the right person, deciding who you want to make a commitment to and spend time with.
Myth #3: A romantic relationship will eliminate all feelings of loneliness. Ideally, being in a healthy, loving relationship would eliminate most feelings of loneliness. However, even in the company of others people may feel lonely. How many times have you found yourself at a gathering of family or friends, surrounded by people—only to feel lonely, even though you are far from alone? I realize that my example describes the company of family and friends not your romantic partner, but even in our intimate relationships it is possible to feel lonely. There are times in our intimate relationships or any relationship when we identify with feelings of loneliness. In conclusion, enjoy and celebrate time with the prince or princess in your own life. Don’t rely on Hollywood stereotypes for your would be sweetheart. Instead, enjoy a quiet evening cuddling on the sofa with your spousal equivalent or if you haven’t identified that person, take a risk and introduce yourself to someone new keeping in mind that your “dragon slayer” will not rescue you from your own unhappiness, complete you as a person or eliminate all feelings of loneliness. Have fun and look beyond the expectations and myths that keep us polarized in our relationships with other people.